“DAD!” Jeremiah called as the boys walked through the house. “You’re youngest son is a sadistic little mother fucker!”
David laughed, relieved for the subject change. “What did he do?”
“I told you guys that little bastard didn’t deserve to walk off of the property”, Marc said.
“But did you really have to go after his with his own bike?” Malachai asked.
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.”
“You did what, Christopher?” David asked.
“He was a retard and left his keys in his bike ignition. So when we carried him out to get rid of him like you said, I mounted his bike, started it up and chased him down the drive on his bike. Then I laid it down rather roughly in the middle of the street at the end of the drive.”
“He scratched the hell out of the paint job”, James laughed.
“What I wanted to do was have them hold him down so that I could take his legs out with his own bike. But, Jake got all soft hearted and went DOCTOR on my ass.”
“Hey, my oath says, First, do no harm. That would have been blatantly ignoring my oath”, Jake responded.
David put his elbows on the table as he laughed until he couldn’t breathe. He rested his head in his hands and gasped for air so that he could continue laughing his ass off. “Oh my God, Marc. You are a sadistic little bastard, aren’t you?”
“At least I come by it honestly”, he said with a shrug.
“You didn’t get that shit from me”, Brie laughed. “That’s all your father!”
“Like hell it is, Hannah Brielle”, David laughed. “You’re to blame for some of that.”
“Nope. The girls get their brand of crazy from me. All except for Jordan. All of the boys but Jake get their brand of crazy from you.”
“It’s not a delicate balance of the two for any of them, huh?”
“Maybe Maddie, but that’s about it.”
“You guys do realize we’re all standing right here as you have this argument, right?” Maddie said.
“Yes, Madison, we realize this. And this is not an argument. It’s a friendly debate”, David responded to his daughter, then turned back to his wife. “Ok, so, let me get this straight. I’m responsible for all of Jordan, Jeremiah, James, and Marc’s psychosis and you’re responsible for all of Jake, Malachai, Meagan, Makayla, and Jessi’s. Maddie’s is our mutual problem. Does that sound right?”
“NO. You’re responsible for Malachai, Jordan, Jeremiah, James, and Marc’s and I’m responsible for Jacob, Meagan, Makayla, and Jessi’s. Maddie, as you said, is our problem mutually.”
“How is Malachai mine?”
“Not all psychosis is genetic, my love.”
“That was mean”, Malachai said. “I think that I’m both of your problem plus that bastard that fathered me. My crazy comes from three different sources. Genetically from Mom and douchebag, and learned from Dad.”
“I like Malachai’s explanation better”, David laughed.
Brie chuckled and rolled her eyes. “Of course you do. It takes the responsibility solely off of your shoulders.”
“Exactly. I’m not the ONLY one to blame for him being bent.”
“So are you taking the blame for the other four?”
David thought about that for a moment of two. “You know what? I guess I am, because there’s only one person that they could have gotten their brand of crazy from and, as loathe as I am to admit it; that would be me.”
Brie walked over and placed a kiss on her husband’s bald head. “That’s what I thought.” As she walked away, he couldn’t help himself. He stuck his tongue out at her and all of their children laughed.
---------------
A couple of days later, Meagan and Makayla came back from Chicago for Spring Break. Within an hour of being home, they had Jake call a meeting of the siblings and spouses at a local restaurant. The kids were even invited. Once everyone was seated at the private table, Jake got everyone’s attention. “This meeting of the Draiman children is now called to order”, he said in his best official voice, then turned to Makayla. “Kayla, you now have the floor.”
“Ok, everyone. As we all know, Mom and Dad’s anniversary is coming up and they will have been together for thirty years. Now, they’ve done special things for each other for the last 29 years. Seeing as it’s their big 3-0 together, Mae and I feel that we need to do something for them as their children now that we’re all grown and they’re going to be leaving the country by summer next year after Disturbed retires. The floor is now open for suggestions.”
Maddie, Delilah and Jona all exchanged a look. “How about a romantic getaway?” Maddie said. Delilah and Jona both nodded in agreement.
“Explain”, Jake said.
“Well, their anniversary’s on a Sunday this year, right?” Delilah said. Jake nodded. “What I think Maddie is thinking- and stop me if I’m wrong, sis- is that we can open up the clinic for them for that ONE day and they can have it all to themselves. We can have lunch catered for them, they can receive different spa treatments… that sort of thing.”
“That’s exactly where I was going with that”, Maddie said with a grin.
“But, what if they wanted to spend that time alone and away from us? How would you arrange something like that on the sly?” Meagan asked.
“If I know Dad, he’ll take Mom to Chicago if they want to get away but stay in the country” Maddie said. “I have a friend that I went to massage school with who moved to Chicago right out of school and now has her own spa up there. She has a gourmet chef on her fucking payroll as well as a lot of things that we don’t have at the clinic.”
“Such as?” Malachai asked.
“Well, for one, they have a sauna. We don’t. They have what she calls a ‘healing mud soak’, we don’t have the facilities for that kind of stuff.”
“Could you see Dad soaking in a mud pool?” Jake asked with a chuckle.
“You never know”, Delilah laughed.
“Any other ideas? So far, I like where this is headed, but we need to consider after their day of luxury. Dad will want to take Mom on a romantic dinner date”, Makayla asked.
“Well, if they’re in Chicago, I know the place they’ll go”, Malachai said, “and I’m close friends with the owner. He’ll comp their romantic dinner if he has enough advanced warning.”
“And if they decide to stay here?”
“I know where they’ll go and I know the owner of that place too. He’ll do the same. All I have to do is give either of them at least a week’s warning and they’ll comp the meals.”
“Do you think that either of them will go for it?” Meagan asked.
“It’s a day of relaxation and rejuvenation. Mom will and if Mom likes the idea then so will Dad. He’ll do it just because Mom say, ‘Please, baby?’” Maddie laughed.
“Ok, so, let’s get a vote on this”, Jake said. “All in favor of giving Mom and Dad a ‘spa day’, raise your hand.” All of the hands at the table went up, including the children. Jake couldn’t help but laugh. “Any opposed?” No one raised their hand. “Ok, I guess we need to trick them into either staying here or going to Chicago for their anniversary.”
“It won’t take much convincing”, Meagan said. “You know how Mom is. She’ll travel on a whim now that she has that freedom.”
“So, do we want them here or in Chicago?”
“I prefer Chicago”, Maddie said. “And that’s brutal honesty. I trust Lola with my life. She’s a great therapist and they’ll be in great hands. Hell, if I ask really nice like, I might even get to be the therapist giving one of them a Hot Stone.”
“Ok, one more vote. All in favor of Chicago, raise your hand”, Jake said. Three quarters of the people at the table raised their hands. “All in favor of here at home?” The other quarter raised their hands. “Chicago has it.”
---------------
When they arrived home, their parents were discussing exactly what they had just been discussing. “I think we should go pay Danny and Nicole a visit”, their mother said.
“And if they want to take up all of our time while we’re out there?” their father asked.
“We’ll lie and tell them we have plans for our anniversary.”
“What if you did have plans for you anniversary?” Maddie asked as she set Asher’s car seat down next to the couch.
“Hand me that baby, then explain, Jade”, her mother said.
Maddie took her son from his seat and handed him to his grandmother, then sat down next to her. “Well, I can’t give you too many details because it’s kind of a gift from us kids.”
“What do you mean by that?” her father asked.
“Well”, Makayla started, “we wanted to do something special for the two of you for your anniversary seeing as we’ve never really done anything for you.”
“If this shit goes south, it was all the girls’ idea!” the boys and Jordan all said.
“It’s not going to go south”, their mother said. “But are you all conspiring against us?”
“Not against you”, Meagan said, “in your favor.”
“Oh, and that excuses it.” This from their father.
“If it’s a day to get away from everything and have everyone at your beck and call, waiting on you hand and foot; are you really going to say ‘no’, Dad?” Jessi said.
“Waiting on us hand and foot, you say?” All of the kids nodded. “Does that include all of you?”
They all thought about it and nodded. “If you want it to”, Jake said.
“In Chicago?” their mother asked.
“Yes.”
“How long do we have to give you an answer?”
“We need about a week to get everything set up the way we want it to go”, Malachai said.
Their parents exchanged a look. “Let us discuss it and we’ll get back with you”, their father said, then reached for his wife’s hand. They walked into the kitchen together with little Asher in tow and went to discuss their decision on the back porch.
Their children all followed them only to discover that the sliding glass was locked from the outside, thought he curtains were open. All any of them could do is watch in horror as they waited on their parents to give them an answer.
---------------
After making sure that the sliding glass was locked, David took a seat at the table across from his wife. “Ok, love, here’s the big question. Do we trust our children to plan our 30th wedding anniversary?”
“I’m still wondering what the ten evil children on the other side of that glass have in mind? Who knows who in Chicago?”
“I have no idea and that’s what has me scared.”
“You and me, both, David.”
“Maybe we should ask them?”
“It couldn’t hurt. They have to have connections if they’re trying to be vague and still convince us to go with their plan.”
“Ok, which ones do we interrogate first?”
“Bring out the oldest four and their spouses. I’m sure that at least once of our older four is behind this.”
He nodded and stood. The glass slid open after the lock slid back. “Malachai, Jordan, Jacob, and Madison; get your asses out here. If you’re married to any of the four that I just named, you’re wanted too.”
The oldest four Draiman children and their spouses all walked outside slowly; their demeanor as though they were going before the firing squad. “You wanted to speak with us?” Jake said; stepping into the mantle of mouthpiece.
“Yes, we did”, David said. “Who has connections in Chicago that we don’t know about? We don’t want major details that might spoil the surprise you children have planned for your mother and I, but we want to know how you plan to make this happen.”
“I have a friend up there as does Malachai”, Maddie said.
“And you’re supposed to haggle with them to pull this off?” Brie asked, then went to shushing little Asher.
“Something like that”, Malachai said.
“Ok, so is this going to be an all expenses paid trip?” David asked.
“I’m sure I can convince the others to throw some money into a pot to pay for it”, Jacob said quaintly.
“Do you have any idea of what that entails, Micah?”
“Airfare round trip, hotel suite, all meals… I know that it mean, Dad.”
“Hell, I’ll foot the bill for the hotel”, Jordan said.
David looked at her wife. “Are you ok with that, Davina?”
“I don’t care, Dad. I just want you two to have a 30th anniversary to remember”, was Davina’s reply.
They both nodded and David shooed them away with a wave of his hand. Once they were back inside, he locked the door and looked at his wife. “Sounds too good to be true”, he said as he took his seat again.
Brie looked through the glass to see her children gathered as though they were discussing something important. “Well, maybe it’s not. Look”, she said and gestured with a nod of her head toward the glass doors.
He looked and saw what she was talking about. “Do you want to do this?” he asked.
“If they’re footing the bill, why the hell not?” she laughed.
“Ok, let’s break the news to them.” He stood and offered her a hand up. She took it and they went inside. “Ok, you guys”, he said with a sigh. “We’ll take it. But, I’m warning all of you if it’s not absolutely perfect, heads will roll.” He tried to remain serious, but he couldn’t help but laugh.
“You guys won’t regret this”, Maddie said. “You’ll love it so much that you’ll wanna move to Chicago after you retire, Dad, rather than Israel.”
“I doubt that, Madison. But, I’m sure that we’ll enjoy it nonetheless.”
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