Chapter 37

“DAD!” Jeremiah called as the boys walked through the house.  “You’re youngest son is a sadistic little mother fucker!”

David laughed, relieved for the subject change.  “What did he do?”

“I told you guys that little bastard didn’t deserve to walk off of the property”, Marc said.

“But did you really have to go after his with his own bike?” Malachai asked.

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.”

“You did what, Christopher?” David asked.

“He was a retard and left his keys in his bike ignition.  So when we carried him out to get rid of him like you said, I mounted his bike, started it up and chased him down the drive on his bike.  Then I laid it down rather roughly in the middle of the street at the end of the drive.”

“He scratched the hell out of the paint job”, James laughed.

“What I wanted to do was have them hold him down so that I could take his legs out with his own bike.  But, Jake got all soft hearted and went DOCTOR on my ass.”

“Hey, my oath says, First, do no harm.  That would have been blatantly ignoring my oath”, Jake responded.

David put his elbows on the table as he laughed until he couldn’t breathe.  He rested his head in his hands and gasped for air so that he could continue laughing his ass off.  “Oh my God, Marc.  You are a sadistic little bastard, aren’t you?”

“At least I come by it honestly”, he said with a shrug.

“You didn’t get that shit from me”, Brie laughed.  “That’s all your father!”

“Like hell it is, Hannah Brielle”, David laughed.  “You’re to blame for some of that.”

“Nope.  The girls get their brand of crazy from me.  All except for Jordan.  All of the boys but Jake get their brand of crazy from you.”

“It’s not a delicate balance of the two for any of them, huh?”

“Maybe Maddie, but that’s about it.”

“You guys do realize we’re all standing right here as you have this argument, right?” Maddie said.

“Yes, Madison, we realize this.  And this is not an argument.  It’s a friendly debate”, David responded to his daughter, then turned back to his wife.  “Ok, so, let me get this straight.  I’m responsible for all of Jordan, Jeremiah, James, and Marc’s psychosis and you’re responsible for all of Jake, Malachai, Meagan, Makayla, and Jessi’s.  Maddie’s is our mutual problem.  Does that sound right?”

“NO.  You’re responsible for Malachai, Jordan, Jeremiah, James, and Marc’s and I’m responsible for Jacob, Meagan, Makayla, and Jessi’s.  Maddie, as you said, is our problem mutually.”

“How is Malachai mine?”

“Not all psychosis is genetic, my love.”

“That was mean”, Malachai said.  “I think that I’m both of your problem plus that bastard that fathered me.  My crazy comes from three different sources.  Genetically from Mom and douchebag, and learned from Dad.”

“I like Malachai’s explanation better”, David laughed.

Brie chuckled and rolled her eyes.  “Of course you do.  It takes the responsibility solely off of your shoulders.”

“Exactly.  I’m not the ONLY one to blame for him being bent.”

“So are you taking the blame for the other four?”

David thought about that for a moment of two.  “You know what?  I guess I am, because there’s only one person that they could have gotten their brand of crazy from and, as loathe as I am to admit it; that would be me.”

Brie walked over and placed a kiss on her husband’s bald head.  “That’s what I thought.”  As she walked away, he couldn’t help himself.  He stuck his tongue out at her and all of their children laughed.

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A couple of days later, Meagan and Makayla came back from Chicago for Spring Break.  Within an hour of being home, they had Jake call a meeting of the siblings and spouses at a local restaurant.  The kids were even invited.  Once everyone was seated at the private table, Jake got everyone’s attention.  “This meeting of the Draiman children is now called to order”, he said in his best official voice, then turned to Makayla.  “Kayla, you now have the floor.”

“Ok, everyone.  As we all know, Mom and Dad’s anniversary is coming up and they will have been together for thirty years.  Now, they’ve done special things for each other for the last 29 years.  Seeing as it’s their big 3-0 together, Mae and I feel that we need to do something for them as their children now that we’re all grown and they’re going to be leaving the country by summer next year after Disturbed retires.  The floor is now open for suggestions.”

Maddie, Delilah and Jona all exchanged a look.  “How about a romantic getaway?” Maddie said.  Delilah and Jona both nodded in agreement.

“Explain”, Jake said.

“Well, their anniversary’s on a Sunday this year, right?” Delilah said.  Jake nodded.  “What I think Maddie is thinking- and stop me if I’m wrong, sis- is that we can open up the clinic for them for that ONE day and they can have it all to themselves.  We can have lunch catered for them, they can receive different spa treatments… that sort of thing.”

“That’s exactly where I was going with that”, Maddie said with a grin.

“But, what if they wanted to spend that time alone and away from us?  How would you arrange something like that on the sly?” Meagan asked.

“If I know Dad, he’ll take Mom to Chicago if they want to get away but stay in the country” Maddie said.  “I have a friend that I went to massage school with who moved to Chicago right out of school and now has her own spa up there.  She has a gourmet chef on her fucking payroll as well as a lot of things that we don’t have at the clinic.”

“Such as?” Malachai asked.

“Well, for one, they have a sauna.  We don’t.  They have what she calls a ‘healing mud soak’, we don’t have the facilities for that kind of stuff.”

“Could you see Dad soaking in a mud pool?” Jake asked with a chuckle.

“You never know”, Delilah laughed.

“Any other ideas?  So far, I like where this is headed, but we need to consider after their day of luxury.  Dad will want to take Mom on a romantic dinner date”, Makayla asked.

“Well, if they’re in Chicago, I know the place they’ll go”, Malachai said, “and I’m close friends with the owner.  He’ll comp their romantic dinner if he has enough advanced warning.”

“And if they decide to stay here?”

“I know where they’ll go and I know the owner of that place too.  He’ll do the same.  All I have to do is give either of them at least a week’s warning and they’ll comp the meals.”

“Do you think that either of them will go for it?” Meagan asked.

“It’s a day of relaxation and rejuvenation.  Mom will and if Mom likes the idea then so will Dad.  He’ll do it just because Mom say, ‘Please, baby?’” Maddie laughed.

“Ok, so, let’s get a vote on this”, Jake said.  “All in favor of giving Mom and Dad a ‘spa day’, raise your hand.”  All of the hands at the table went up, including the children.  Jake couldn’t help but laugh.  “Any opposed?”  No one raised their hand.  “Ok, I guess we need to trick them into either staying here or going to Chicago for their anniversary.”

“It won’t take much convincing”, Meagan said.  “You know how Mom is.  She’ll travel on a whim now that she has that freedom.”

“So, do we want them here or in Chicago?”

“I prefer Chicago”, Maddie said.  “And that’s brutal honesty.  I trust Lola with my life.  She’s a great therapist and they’ll be in great hands.  Hell, if I ask really nice like, I might even get to be the therapist giving one of them a Hot Stone.”

“Ok, one more vote.  All in favor of Chicago, raise your hand”, Jake said.  Three quarters of the people at the table raised their hands.  “All in favor of here at home?” The other quarter raised their hands.  “Chicago has it.”

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When they arrived home, their parents were discussing exactly what they had just been discussing.  “I think we should go pay Danny and Nicole a visit”, their mother said.

“And if they want to take up all of our time while we’re out there?” their father asked.

“We’ll lie and tell them we have plans for our anniversary.”

“What if you did have plans for you anniversary?” Maddie asked as she set Asher’s car seat down next to the couch.

“Hand me that baby, then explain, Jade”, her mother said.

Maddie took her son from his seat and handed him to his grandmother, then sat down next to her.  “Well, I can’t give you too many details because it’s kind of a gift from us kids.”

“What do you mean by that?” her father asked.

“Well”, Makayla started, “we wanted to do something special for the two of you for your anniversary seeing as we’ve never really done anything for you.”

“If this shit goes south, it was all the girls’ idea!” the boys and Jordan all said.

“It’s not going to go south”, their mother said.  “But are you all conspiring against us?”

“Not against you”, Meagan said, “in your favor.”

“Oh, and that excuses it.” This from their father.

“If it’s a day to get away from everything and have everyone at your beck and call, waiting on you hand and foot; are you really going to say ‘no’, Dad?” Jessi said.

“Waiting on us hand and foot, you say?”  All of the kids nodded.  “Does that include all of you?”

They all thought about it and nodded.  “If you want it to”, Jake said.

“In Chicago?” their mother asked.

“Yes.”

“How long do we have to give you an answer?”

“We need about a week to get everything set up the way we want it to go”, Malachai said.

Their parents exchanged a look.  “Let us discuss it and we’ll get back with you”, their father said, then reached for his wife’s hand.  They walked into the kitchen together with little Asher in tow and went to discuss their decision on the back porch.

Their children all followed them only to discover that the sliding glass was locked from the outside, thought he curtains were open.  All any of them could do is watch in horror as they waited on their parents to give them an answer.

---------------

After making sure that the sliding glass was locked, David took a seat at the table across from his wife.  “Ok, love, here’s the big question.  Do we trust our children to plan our 30^th wedding anniversary?”

“I’m still wondering what the ten evil children on the other side of that glass have in mind?  Who knows who in Chicago?”

“I have no idea and that’s what has me scared.”

“You and me, both, David.”

“Maybe we should ask them?”

“It couldn’t hurt.  They have to have connections if they’re trying to be vague and still convince us to go with their plan.”

“Ok, which ones do we interrogate first?”

“Bring out the oldest four and their spouses.  I’m sure that at least once of our older four is behind this.”

He nodded and stood.  The glass slid open after the lock slid back.  “Malachai, Jordan, Jacob, and Madison; get your asses out here.  If you’re married to any of the four that I just named, you’re wanted too.”

The oldest four Draiman children and their spouses all walked outside slowly; their demeanor as though they were going before the firing squad.  “You wanted to speak with us?” Jake said; stepping into the mantle of mouthpiece.

“Yes, we did”, David said.  “Who has connections in Chicago that we don’t know about?  We don’t want major details that might spoil the surprise you children have planned for your mother and I, but we want to know how you plan to make this happen.”

“I have a friend up there as does Malachai”, Maddie said.

“And you’re supposed to haggle with them to pull this off?” Brie asked, then went to shushing little Asher.

“Something like that”, Malachai said.

“Ok, so is this going to be an all expenses paid trip?” David asked.

“I’m sure I can convince the others to throw some money into a pot to pay for it”, Jacob said quaintly.

“Do you have any idea of what that entails, Micah?”

“Airfare round trip, hotel suite, all meals… I know that it mean, Dad.”

“Hell, I’ll foot the bill for the hotel”, Jordan said.

David looked at her wife.  “Are you ok with that, Davina?”

“I don’t care, Dad.  I just want you two to have a 30^th anniversary to remember”, was Davina’s reply.

They both nodded and David shooed them away with a wave of his hand.  Once they were back inside, he locked the door and looked at his wife.  “Sounds too good to be true”, he said as he took his seat again.

Brie looked through the glass to see her children gathered as though they were discussing something important.  “Well, maybe it’s not.  Look”, she said and gestured with a nod of her head toward the glass doors.

He looked and saw what she was talking about.  “Do you want to do this?” he asked.

“If they’re footing the bill, why the hell not?” she laughed.

“Ok, let’s break the news to them.”  He stood and offered her a hand up.  She took it and they went inside.  “Ok, you guys”, he said with a sigh.  “We’ll take it.  But, I’m warning all of you if it’s not absolutely perfect, heads will roll.”  He tried to remain serious, but he couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You guys won’t regret this”, Maddie said.  “You’ll love it so much that you’ll wanna move to Chicago after you retire, Dad, rather than Israel.”

“I doubt that, Madison.  But, I’m sure that we’ll enjoy it nonetheless.”

Chapter 36

The day that David and Brie arrived home, they were greeted the same they had been after their last few trips by their grandchildren- with elation.  They were both nearly knocked down by the stampeding children ages ranging from twelve to 2.  “We’re happy to see all of you too, kids”, they laughed.  “Now, let us go put out things away and there may be surprises for all of you from Israel”, David continued.

“Why is it that the grandkids get surprises from Israel and your own children don’t?” James joked.

“Because you’re all grown asses”, Brie said simply as she made her way up the stairs to put her suitcase in the room she shared with her husband.  “Anyway, we didn’t spoil you so that you would all grow up to be productive members of society.  It’s not our job to raise your children to be productive members of society- it’s yours.  Therefore, we’ll spoil the hell out of your kids and leave it up to you to make sure that they all turn out balanced.”  She looked at her husband.  “How was that, baby?”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself”, David responded with a smile.  He looked at his children.  “What your mother said”, he said and continued up to the stairs behind his wife.

“It’s nice to have them home”, Jake said after his parents had disappeared upstairs.

“You can say that again”, Jordan laughed.  “I’ve missed seeing Mom and Dad the past couple of weeks.”

“I’m sure they haven’t missed us, though”, Maddie laughed.

“Of that, big sister, I’m almost certain”, Jeremiah said with a chuckle.  “I think the only people that our parents missed are their grandchildren.”

“That’s because they’re the grandkids and you’re all the kids”, Jona said.  It was one of those smartass opportunities that she, like her father, just couldn’t turn down.

“Well, just because they’re the grandkids doesn’t make them special”, James said with a laugh.

“I think the term grandchild implies that they’re special”, Jona replied.

“And Jona’s right about that”, Brie laughed as she carried gift bags down the stairs for the grandchildren with David right behind her.  “The very term grandchild in and of itself implies that those kids are special.” 

Once they were seated on their couch, David called to the grandchildren.  “If you’re under the age of fifteen, I want you to make a big ole semicircle around Gramma and me.”  Once the kids were all seated at their feet, the proud Gramma and Grampa made busy giving each of their grandchildren the gift they’d gotten them either in Israel, in Egypt, or on the trip home. 

For Isaiah, there was a model set that he could use to build the Sphinx.  He thought it was the coolest thing he’d ever seen. 

Miranda got a small vile of Egyptian Jasmine perfumed oil to wear for her dance recitals.  “It smells so pretty”, she said.  “I love it, Gramma and Grampa.  Thank you both so much.”  There was also a set of ankle bells from India.  She loved those too.

“You’re welcome, Miranda”, they said in unison.  “Maybe in your dance classes you can convince your teacher to teach you all how to belly dance.”, Brie said with a laugh.

“Actually, she’s thinking about it.  She’s been taking belly dancing classes that teach, basically traditional dances from India and she wants to teach us how to do the same.”

“Well, if she does, I have a friend from Bali who can get you guys and girl all of the traditional garb.”

“Really Gramma?”

“Yeah.  You know my friend Sanjay who used to come get massage all the time?”

“Yeah.  Didn’t his wife Malia teach you some ancient form of massage they do over there?”

“Yep.  And Sanjay used to dance Chorus line in a lot of Bali- wood films.”

“And he’d let us use the garb?”

“If I asked nicely and got a guarantee from your teacher that it would be treated with respect, then I’m sure he would.”

“Do you think he’d teach us?”

“All I can do is ask, Miranda.  I can’t make promises though.”

“All I’m asking is that you ask.  If I can get my teacher to agree to it, then our next recital is going to be insanely awesome!!”

Brie and David laughed at the enthusiasm of their oldest granddaughter.

The other grandkids all loved their gifts.  There was a plethora of different things for each of them to enjoy.  A doll for Miri, a hacky sack for Ira and Levi, a remote control race car for Elijah and Hunter; the children were all content with the gifts their grandparents had gotten them.

“Ira, would you like Daddy to teach you how to play with that silly thing”, Jake laughed as he watched his son try to figure out what to do with the hacky sack.

“Please, Daddy?” Ira asked.

“Would Uncle Jake mind teaching Levi while he’s at it?” Jordan whispered to her twin.

“No problem, Jord.  Uncle Jake is on the case.”  He looked to his son and nephew.  “Ira, Levi; let’s go out on the back porch.  I’ll teach you how to play hacky sack.”

“Oh, I’ve got to see if he’s still got it”, Brie said and she started to stand.

“Let me know; will you, baby?” David asked with a grin.

“Of course.”

He leaned in and kissed her cheek.  “Thank you.”  His eyes searched the room for his youngest daughter.  “Jessykah”, he said sternly.  “My office, now.  Beat me there.”  Jessi was out of her seat in a matter of seconds and running up the stairs to her father’s office.  When he got there she was sitting in one of the chairs in front of his desk, her back straight and her hands resting in her lap.  She was sitting starkly at attention.  “Jessi, relax.  You act as though I’m about to send you away to military school or something.”  She visibly relaxed.  “Did you give Jeremy my message?”

“Yes, sir.  He’s excited to meet you.”

“Why hasn’t he made the effort before the invitation.”

“He said that he was taught to wait to be invited in before coming in for coffee.”

David nodded.  “I get that, I guess.  Now, as for you and your behavior a couple of days ago”, he said before clearing his throat.  “I’m not going to kick you out of the house.  I haven’t done that with any of your siblings.  Why should I start with you?  BUT, on the other hand, you should have listened and done what I said.  Something could have happened to you and I would have been on the war path.  Do you understand what I’m getting at?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good.  Now, you owe your brothers all an apology for getting them out in the weather the other night looking for you.  Marc sounded a little hoarse when your mother and I came in.”

She nodded again.  “Yes, sir.  I’ll apologize.”

“Good girl.  Now, go on.  If you had plans for the night, I suggest you cancel them.  You mother and I wanted a family dinner tonight.”

She smiled.  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Daddy.”  She jumped up and wrapped her arms around his neck.  “I love you, Daddy.  I’m sorry I didn’t listen and I’m glad you’re home.”

He smiled.  “I love you too, baby girl.  Now, get out of here before you get your dad to start crying.”  She ran from the room and he sat down at his desk, rubbing a hand over his face.  For the love of God, I hope my boys are wrong about you Jeremy Caldwell, he thought as he read the headline of the most recent e-paper from his email.  If my sons are right about you, boy, you’re going to wish that you had never looked at my baby girl; let alone touched her.  You will rue the day you pissed me off, boy.  Mark my words.  At least one of my boys would love to beat you senseless for hurting their baby sister.  And, I won’t stop them.  Not on your life will I stop them.

---------------

The next day, Jeremy “Remy” Caldwell made his debut at the Draiman homestead.  He rode up on a motorcycle that looked like it had been designed by the Orange County Choppers.  The long handle bars were at his eye level and the front tire stuck way out.  The boys heard him pull up and were out the door in seconds to encircle him on the bike.  James, being the football player of the bunch, stood in front with his brother in law Colton close at hand.  Malachai stood at the rear.  Jake, Marc, and Jeremiah took different sides.  “You must be Jeremy”, Jake said with distaste.

“That’s my name, son, don’t wear it out”, he said.

“For one, I am not your son.  My father is inside.  For two, I don’t like you.  In case you don’t know who we are; we’re your girlfriend’s brothers- most of us are her older brothers.  Now, there are a few rules you need to know before we allow you to walk inside our father’s house.  One, you step out of line just once, and you will answer to us.  Two, when my father speaks to you, you look him in the eye.  Three, when he asks you a questions, it’s ‘yes, sir’, or ‘no, sir’.  If it’s my mother addressing you, it’s ‘yes, ma’am’ or ‘no, ma’am’.  Four, disrespect any woman in that house and you’re a dead man.  Do I make myself perfectly fucking clear?”

Jeremy just looked at Jake with amusement.  “He asked you a fucking question, slimeball”, Marc barked.

Jeremy looked over his shoulder to see Marc.  “I heard him, Marky, and I’m getting to him.  But you first.  Who the hell do you think you are calling me a slimeball?”

“I’m your girlfriend’s brother, and guess what, asshole.  It’s my house.  I live here.  You’re a guest and you will follow the rules or I’ll personally beat you to shit.”

“You and what army?”

Jake put a hand up in front of Marc so that he didn’t respond.  “He’s not worth losing your temper, Marc.”  Marc took a deep breath as Jake continued.  “You’re already off on a really bad foot, Jeremy.  Were I you, I’d be on my best behavior when you walk through that door or my father will chew you up and spit out your bones, then have my mother make a stock out of them.  Remember, Jeremy Caldwell, we’re watching you.”  They all stepped back and let Jeremy get off of his bike and head into the house.

Jessi bounded for the door when she heard him come in.  “Hi, Remy”, she said with a smile and kissed his cheek.

“Hey, baby”, he said with disinterest.  “Where’s your Dad?”

“He’s in his office.  He’ll be down soon”, Brie said as she came out of the kitchen.

“I didn’t ask you”, Remy responded.

“Excuse me?  Do you know who you’re speaking to, boy?”

“I assume one of Jessi’s sisters…”

“Umm, no.  I’m her mother.  And even if I were one of her sisters, you don’t speak to anyone in this house that way.  Do I make myself understood, young man?”

Jeremy had that amused look on his face.  “Baby, which of your sisters is she?  She’s fucking funny.”

“That’s my mother, Remy”, Jessi said in shock.  “Don’t speak to her that way.”

“You’d be wise to take your girlfriend’s advice”, David said from the stairwell.  “And I can see why Jessi hasn’t brought you over sooner.  You’re a disrespectful little fucker.”  He crossed his arms over his chest.  “You owe my wife an apology, boy.  Get on with it.”

“And who the hell are you?”

“I’m the man you claim to be a modern version of and I said that you owe my wife an apology.  I suggest you do so before my boys drag you outside and give you a lesson in manners.”

“I’m not apologizing to someone’s bitch.”

And that was the end of the pleasantries.  Marc, who had just walked in the door, took off running in Remy’s direction and tackled him from behind.  Grabbing a handful of the spikes Remy wore on top of his head, Marc proceeded to beat the boy’s face into the carpet.  “YOU LOW LIFE PIECE OF SHIT!” he screamed as he turned Remy’s face into hamburger meat.  “YOU WERE FUCKING WARNED! YOU WON’T DISRESPECT PEOPLE IN THIS HOUSE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!  YOU’RE GOING TO LEARN MANNERS IF I HAVE TO BEAT THEM INTO YOU!”  Marc continued to beat the boy’s face into the carpet of the living room as his brother’s pried him off of their baby sister’s boyfriend.

When Remy got to his feet, he screamed, “AREN’T ANY OF YOU GOING TO CALL THE POLICE?!  HE JUST ASSULTED ME!”

“Not on your life, son”, David said serenely.  “You’re in my house now.  You follow my rules.  Now, if you’d like my daughter Madison can tend to your wounds, but that’s about all that’s going to happen.  Why do you think I live in the middle of nowhere?  No one can hear you scream.”  He added a maniacal laugh at the end for dramatic effect and the boys all echoed him.  They knew that their father was doing.  He was playing up the image that he’d developed for himself over the years.  When one makes themselves out to be a maniac, then people tend to think they are a maniac.

Remy was showing the first signs of fear as he listened to the Draiman men’s maniacal laughter.  “You really are crazy”, he said with a shaking voice.

“What was your first clue?” David said with an evil glint in his eyes.  “Was it the straitjackets I used to wear onto the stage before the Utopians took over?  Didn’t you know that they had just let me out for those tours?  I was escorted around the country in an armored vehicle to all of those shows.  I had to be sedated in between shows or I went completely out of my mind and went after the audience.  I’m better medicated now, but I’m still just as fucking loony as I was back then.  Hell, I may even be worse in my old age.”  None of it was true, but Remy Caldwell didn’t know that.

“And the muzzle?”

“Wasn’t just for show either.  I’m certifiably insane, son.  Now, apologize to my wife before we make you for dinner.”

“I’m sorry for the way I spoke, Mrs. Draiman.”

Brie pulled out her crazy bitch within as well.  She wasn’t the outright violent kind of crazy.  She was the kind of crazy that was prone to violent outbursts.  She just stared off into the distance and hummed a pretty little tune, then fell to the floor and started rocking back and forth.  She’d been standing there humming for a while.  When the boy addressed her directly, she played scared and sat on the floor to rock and mumble to herself.  “Look at what you did, boy!” David shouted.  “You scared her and now she’s locked away in her mind again.  You’ve never been around crazy people, have you?”

Remy shook his head.  “No, sir.”

“Well, my wife’s form of psychosis is prone to violent outbursts.  She’ll go loca here in a minute and go after anyone and everyone.”  He looked at Jordan.  “Jordan, take your mother into the Kitchen.  Madison, help her out and make your mother a glass of chamomile.”

Everyone was in on the charade.  Jordan and Maddie pulled out their bobesy twins’ routine and spoke in perfect unison.  “Yes, Father”, they said in very monotone voices.  They even moved in perfect unison as they picked their mother up under the arms and “helped” her into the kitchen.  Not five minutes later, as David was talking to Remy about the “simple” rules he had for dating one of  his daughters, a blood curdling scream issued forth from the kitchen and all hell broke loose in the Draiman house.

---------------

Once Brie was “calmed down” from her “psychotic break” and “properly medicated”, Remy joined the family in the kitchen as Brie made dinner.  Delilah helped and tried to keep a straight face.  She knew it was all a façade that the family was putting on to scare Jeremy.  As Brie cut up the vegetables for her salad, she accidentally cut her finger.  But, rather than head to the bathroom to treat it, she brought it up in front of her face and stared at it as she continued to play her part. “Ooh, pretty”, she said.

Delilah took the knife from her mother in law’s hand.  “Come on, Mom, we have to doctor that finger now.”

“Why?” Brie asked, her voice vacant.

“Because we don’t want to get blood all over the food.”

“But why not?”

“Because not everybody eats like we do around here, Brie”, Jona said as she helped Delilah take Brie from the kitchen.  Jona figured that if everyone else was doing it, she might as well join that club.

“But why waste all that pretty blood?” Brie asked as the girls took her from the kitchen.  “Can I at least lick it?”

“No, Mom, you can’t lick the blood”, Delilah said as she fought to keep a straight face.  “We don’t want the guest to puke do we?”

“Ooh, the boy puked?  Fresh sauce for the pasta!”  The last was a little sing song and scared Remy more than he wanted to admit.

The girls got Brie into the downstairs bathroom where she started laughing so hard she was crying.  “Oh, this is too much fun.  I haven’t had this much fun since the day of the first band bar-b- queue I was a part of.  Oh man, that shopping trip was a blast.”

“What happened?” Delilah asked.

“It was just before I found out I was pregnant with Jake and Jordan.  The guys and their wives came over and we had a band bar-b-queue.  Well, of course, before hand, David and I had to go to the grocery store.  There were these boys who just couldn’t keep their eyes off of me and they were talking amongst themselves asking what a girl like me was going with a guy like David.  Well, we fucked with those boys hardcore.  David told them that I had good taste knew money when I smelled it.  I told them that David was probably better in bed than either of them would ever be.  It was too much fun.”  By the time Brie was done with her story, Delilah had cleaned the wound and covered it with a bandage after putting a little salve on it.  The salve was herbal and made with calendula and comfrey root.

“Are we ready to back to scaring the living shit out of Jessi’s loser boyfriend?” Delilah asked.

“I am”, Brie said.  “I’m just wanting him to admit to David that he was using Jessi to get a contract.  David’s going to let the boys loose on him then.”

“And I’m betting Marc’s going to be the first to finish taking his piece of Jeremy’s ass from him”, Delilah laughed.

----------------

Meanwhile, David sat at the Kitchen table watched Remy’s responses to everything that was going on.  He knew that the shock factor was working.  He made sure the he still had that psycho look in his eyes before he spoke again.    “So, Jeremy, what are you intentions with Jessykah?” he asked while his wife was getting her finger doctored.

Jeremy wasn’t paying attention to anything other than what he had just seen.  Jeremiah smacked his palms against the table.  “Hey fucker”, he said in his best crazy voice, “someone’s speaking to you.”  Jeremy looked at him with a vacant look on his face.  Lights were on, but no one was home.  Jeremiah was going to scare him back to reality.  With a crazy gleam in his eye, he made his way around the table with the salt and pepper shakers and started to “season the fresh meat”.

“Jeremiah!” David barked.  “What are you doing?”

“He’s scared senseless, Dad.  We might as well eat him now so that the meat doesn’t go to waste.”

“No, please don’t”, Remy cried.  Tears actually started to roll down his cheeks.

“Why shouldn’t we?”

“Because I’m going to change my ways, I swear!” Remy sobbed.

“What do you mean, you’re going to change your ways?” David asked.

“I was just trying to get close to Jessi to get to you.  I just wanted a record deal for my band.  I’m no you, Mr. Draiman, sir.  I’ll never be you.  I don’t think I could ever be this crazy.”

David’s eyes widened at the revelations.  “Boys”, he said maniacally, “get rid of him.”

The boys all stood and surrounded the young would be suitor for their little sister and carried him outside.

David let out a laugh that sent shivers down Jessi’s spine.  He was glad to have gotten to the bottom of what was really going on.  He was sick and tired of people thinking that they could used his kids and get away with it; especially his girls.  They were all Daddy’s little girls.  You didn’t fuck with them without having to go through Papa Bear.  And that’s what Remy Caldwell had just done and he didn’t make it.  Maybe someday his baby girl would meet a guy that was worthy of her, but Remy Caldwell of the band Foresight wasn’t that guy.

Jessi covered her face and tried not to cry in front of her father.  She knew now that she was being used.  When were guys going to want to be with her because of who she was and not who her father was.  She may have been a heavy metal princess, but she was a human being for the love of God!  Why couldn’t people understand that?

David saw his little girl trying to not cry in front of him and pulled her into his arms from where she was sitting next to him.  “I’m sorry, Jessi baby.  I know you wanted him to be the one.”

“Why is it that guys are such assholes, Dad?” she cried into his shirt.

He rubbed a hand up and down her arm.  “Honey, most guys only want one thing.  In your case, they want more than one thing.  They want what you have between your legs and to get close to get to me.  If they can get close to you and make you think they love you, then you’ll bring them home to me and I’ll give them a record deal with Intoxication if they can cut it.”

“And that makes them assholes”, she cried.  “I think I’m going to go lesbian like Jordan.”

He couldn’t help but laugh.  “Baby girl, you big sister is a lesbian because she’s not attracted to men.  Women have always gotten her attention because that’s who she’s attracted to.”

“Are you saying that I can’t be attracted to women too?”  She sat up from where her head was laying on her father’s chest.

“No, Jessi, dear.  I’m saying that’s all that Jordan’s ever really been attracted to.  If you’re attracted to women as well, then more power to you, but it doesn’t make you a lesbian because you’re also attracted to men.”

“Then what does it make me?”

“Ask your mother that question.  I’m officially uncomfortable talking about it.”

When Brie came back into the Kitchen she looked around.  “Where are the boys?”

“Getting rid of my loser ex- boyfriend”, Jessi skulked.

“So he confessed did he?”

“Not only that, love”, David said with a laugh.  “He started crying.”

“Did James do the salt and pepper shaker thing?”

“No, ‘Miah did.  And the boy broke down.  I think I heard the motorcycle start up not too long ago, but that could mean that the boys are still playing up the psycho bit and trying to run him over with his own bike.”

“Our boys wouldn’t do that”, Brie laughed, but she knew better.  Her sons were just as vindictive as their father and her combined.  And that could be a very frightening prospect to say the very least.

“Hey, Mom, when you like both men and women, what are you called?” Jessi asked

“Bisexual.  Why do you ask, Jessykah?”

“Cause Dad was too chicken shit to tell me about it.  He got to what it’s called and whimped out.”

“Did you really, David?”

“Yes.  I did.  The conversation got a little uncomfortable for me, so I threw that ball in your court”, he answered matter- or- factly.

“How did it even come up?”

“I asked Dad why guys were assholes and told him that I was going to go lesbian like Jordan”, Jessi explained to her mother.

“Wow.  I honestly don’t know what to say to that, Jessykah.  If that’s what you want to do, then more power to you, I guess.”

Chapter 35

“As if it weren’t enough that she’s dating a complete moron, she has to sneak out to see him”, Marc cursed as he scoured the streets of Colorado Springs looking for his twin.  His 2030 Harley rumbled down the rain soaked streets.  He checked all of his sister’s usual haunts and she was nowhere to be found.  He pulled his cell phone out of his leather riding jacket and dialed his older brother.  “Jake”, he said once he heard the line pick up.  “I can’t fucking find her.  Anyone else have any luck?”

“Not so far”, Jake said with a sigh.  “I’m about to call Maddie and Jordan in on this and if they’re awaken from a dead sleep like I did Mom and Dad this afternoon in Israel, Jordan’s going to beat baby sister’s ass from now until Doomsday.”

“I heard that.  Too bad Dad would kill us boys for hitting one of our sisters because my twin needs a good smack of commonsense in the back of her head.”

“Well, let me wake Jordan and Davina up.  Davi’s going to shit a brick when she hears my voice on the other end.”

“You know who else you might wanna call, Jake.”

“Not on your fucking life.  I’m suppose to be getting ready to take over in Dad’s stead as the head of the family.  If I can’t keep track of Jessi on one of her whims, then maybe it should be Malachai taking over rather than me.”

“Were you and Malachai both offered the chance and Malachai refused before you could even open your mouth.”

“Be that as it may, I don’t shirk my responsibilities.  It’s my responsibility to keep this household together while Dad’s away.  I can’t very well do that if I’m calling him at a moment’s notice telling him that his youngest daughter decided to sneak out of the house to go see her piece of shit, wannabe rocker boyfriend.”

A bit of movement caught Marc’s eye.  “Hold on, Jake.  I think I see something.”  He looked closer and spotted his twin sister coming out of a building that he knew to be an underground rock club.  “Jake, I’ve spotted her.  Let me grab her and I’ll see you when we get home.”

“No problem, Marc.  Let Jessykah know that she’s in a WORLD of trouble when you get home.”

“Gladly”, he said and hung up.  He pulled up slowly next to the building where he spotted his sister and called her name.  “JESSYKAH!” he barked.

Her head snapped up to look at him.  “What do you want, Marc?”

“Get on the back of the bike. You’re in deep shit.  Jake’s gonna have a piece of your ass when you get home.  And you had better believe that wannabe punk you call your boyfriend will be answering to one of us.  You disobeyed a direct order from Dad.  He’s not going to be happy.  I think Jake’s going to call him and let him know what’s going on once we get home.”

“You and Jake, and the rest of the boys can kiss my ass, Marc Christopher.  I could honestly give a fuck what you think of Remy.  He doesn’t care either.”

“Just get on the fucking bike, Jessykah.  Or do I have to have Jake call Jordan and Davina?  You know how Jordan gets when her beauty rest is interrupted.”

Jessi shivered both from the thought of her sister and the cold.  “Fine.”  She mounted the bike’s back seat and got held on to her brother.  “I still don’t give a shit what you or the other boys think of Remy.”

“And I frankly don’t give a flying fuck if you give a shit or not.  Just be prepared to get a royal ass chewing when we get home.”

“What else is new?”

“The fact that you’re going to get it twice a bad once Dad hears that you didn’t do as he said and stay away from him until Dad could come home in investigate.  He and Mom haven’t even been got a week and you’re acting a fool.”  He shook his head.  “Just hang on tight.  The ride back’s going to be a bit bumpy.  They’re working in the road between the house and town.”

Jessi wrapped her arms around her twin brother’s waist and held on for dear life as he took off.

As Marc sped away, a set of dark eyes watched.  Oh, Marc Draiman, you will regret taking my bunny away from me.  Your sister is my ticket to the big time.  Once your father hears me sing, he won’t be able to have the contract written up fast enough, Jeremy “Remy” Caldwell thought to himself as he stood in the rain and watched his girlfriend’s twin brother take her away.  All in due time Marc.  All in due time.  You’ll see how big a mistake you made tonight and I’ll get the last laugh.

Remy Caldwell couldn’t have been more wrong.  If he thought for half a second that he was going to get the drop on Marc, he was sadly mistaken.  Very sadly mistaken indeed.

---------------

As they rode back to the Egyptian mainland, David heard his cell phone going off in his bag.  They were close enough to land to get a signal, but still far enough out that until he got to the docks he didn’t want to mess with it.  He loved his children, but it would have to wait at least until he and their mother got back to the dock.  He may even make them wait until they got back to the hotel to deal with it.  If was really that important, they would have to wait until he had the chance to get back to them.  And he knew it was one of his children calling.  Who else would be calling while they knew he was in the middle of the water?  No one but his kids.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” Brie calling over the sound of the engine and wind.

“Not until we’re in a place where I can give a shit.  We both know who’s calling me.  One of the boys.”

“True.  What do you think it could be?”

“Short of Jeremiah and Jona calling to let us know that she’s pregnant too, I honestly don’t know.  Jessi’s under orders to stay away from Jeremy until we get back.  She wouldn’t ignore a mandate from Dad.”

“I hope you’re right for her sake , but something tells me something’s rotten in Denmark, love.”

“Then, when we get back to the hotel, I’ll call whichever of our children it is calling me back.  I need to put my phone on the charger anyway.  I think it’s about to go dead.”

“Then let’s get back to the hotel and deal with our children.  God, why does it seem like every time we turn around this trip, one of the kids- particularly Jacob- is calling with some emergency?”

“Because Jake likes to make sure everything is kosher with me before making a executive decision.  Think about it this way.  In the mafia, the lieutenants don’t make a move unless the Don okays it.  Well, as far as our family goes, I’m the Don.  I’m the Godfather.  Jake, though he’s about to step into that position, is still one of my six lieutenants.”  By this time, the boat had slowed because they were in a no wake zone.  The boat was slowly approaching the docks.

“Hey, David, what are your plans the rest of the time you’re in the area?” Joe called back.

“Dunno yet.  I know what at some point while we’re here in Egypt, I have to take this beautiful woman next to me on a camel ride.  Other than that and looking for a house in Jerusalem, not too damn much.  Why do you ask?”

“The wife and I would love to have you and Brie over one night”, Joe said as he maneuvered the boat up to the dock to moor it.

“We’ll have to see what happens, Joe.  I’d love to see Ziva.”

Brie looked at her husband.  “His wife’s name is Ziva?”

“Yeah.  What makes you ask?”

“NCIS, David.”

“Oh.  Gotcha.  No, Ziva’s nothing like that Ziva.  Ziva’s a very gentle woman unlike the Ziva from NCIS.”

She nodded.  “Ok.  That just popped into my head when you said that.  I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“No worries, Brie”, Joe said as he moored the boat to the dock.  “She’s actually heard it before and thinks it’s pretty cool that people think of that when they hear her name.”

“Well, that’s good.  At least she’s not offended by it.”

“She doesn’t see the point in getting offended.”

Once the boat was tied off , David and Brie carefully climbed onto the dock.  “So, what do you want to do now?” David asked as they walked toward the hotel from the beach.  “We could always get that camel ride you convinced me you deserve.”

“You talk a really big game, baby, but you already knew you were going to take me on that camel ride.  You just wanted me to torture you a little bit during the taxi ride.”

He laughed.  “Perhaps, but that doesn’t answer my question.  What do you want to do now?”

“Get some room service and see which of our children keeps blowing up your phone.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.  After we deal with the emergency there seems to be back in the US and after we’ve eaten, we’ll catch that camel ride.  Sound like a plan?”

“Sounds good to me.”

So they, made their way back to their hotel room to order room service.  After their food arrived, they would deal with the drama back home.

---------------

“What’s taking them so fucking long?!” Jake growled as he waited on his parents to return his call.  He eyeballed Jessi.  “Don’t you even dream of fucking moving, Jessykah Danyelle.  You are in such deep shit right now, the whites of your eyes should be turning as brown as the irises”, he growled.  “Just you wait until Dad hears about this shit.  You’re going to get the worst ass chewing you’ve ever received.  Worse than you even thought possible.”

Jessi didn’t look fazed.  She didn’t even look half assed scared.  She just stared at Jake with an indignant look on her face.  “Do I look scared, Jacob?”

“You should be”, Jeremiah said.  “You know what Dad gets like when his time with Mom is interrupted.  Out comes that grizzly that Maddie’s always called him.”  Jessi responded by giving him the finger.

Jake phone started going off.  It was the tune of Clare de Lune by Debussy.  It was his mother’s ringtone.  The gentle tune always reminded him of her.  He was quick not to let it ring too many times.  “Hello?” he asked after putting the phone on speaker.

“Not who you expected, is it, Jacob?” his father said over the phone.

“Actually, I’m glad it’s you and not Mom.  I think you need to have a very LONG conversation with Jessykah.”

“What did she do?”

“She disobeyed you and snuck out to see that boy.”

“Can she hear me?” David said calmly.

“Yes.”

“Jessykah, let me hear your voice.”

“I’m here, Daddy” she said.

“Did you sneak out to go see that young man after I specifically told you not to?”

“Yes, sir.”  Her tone was cocky.

“Did you now?  And what part of, ‘If you value my sanity you’ll do as I say’ , did you not understand?”

“He’s not that bad a guy, Daddy.  The boys’ opinion of him is painted badly because of Marc’s history with him.”

“Do I sound like I give a shit, Jessykah Danyelle?  I specifically told you not to see him again until I could get home to investigate what your brothers said about him and you blatantly disobeyed me.  You do realize that now that you’re over the age of 18, I can legally put you out of the house, right?”

That hit home.  She’d never heard her father threaten to kick any of his children out of the house.  Her voice shook as she responded.  “Yes, sir.”

“So, why don’t you try convincing me why I shouldn’t have you start looking for an apartment?  I mean, you don’t think you have to do a damn thing I ask of you.”

“Daddy, I didn’t mean...”she cried.

“Don’t think that those tears are going to get you anywhere with me right now, Danyelle.  You’re in a whole new world of deep shit with me.”  He took a deep breath to regain his composure.  “Here’s what will happen; and I hope all of your brothers are in the room and listening very closely because I’m not going to repeat myself.  Jessykah, you are going to tell Jeremy that I want to meet him as soon as I get back.  The day after your mother and I touch down in Denver and roll into the driveway, he had better darken my door.  Until your mother and I get home, you WILL stay away from him.  Boys, you are to do whatever you deem necessary to keep them apart.  Tail her if you have to; I don’t give a shit.  Your mother and I will be home in two days.  Am I perfectly understood?”

“Yes , sir”, all of the Draiman children responded.

“Jessykah, you are to start thinking of a few really good reasons why I shouldn’t kick you out.”

The tears that had originally flooded her eyes started to fall.  “Yes, sir”, she said quietly as she wiped one of the tears away with the back of her hand.

“Now, if you’ll all excuse me, I’m going to eat lunch with your mother, then take her on a camel ride.  You all need to get some sleep, and I don’t want to hear another word on this subject until I get home.”

“No problem, Dad”, the boys responded.

“Good night, children”, and the call disconnected.

“Well, that went rather nicely.  Wouldn’t you agree, Jeremiah?” James said sarcastically.

“Oh, it was tits”, Jeremiah laughed.

“Tits?” Jake asked.

“A guy in one of my Theology classes said that a lot.  He’d say, ‘Professor Gavin is tits, man!’  He meant that Professor Gavin was cool.  ‘That lecture today was SO not tits!’, meant that the lecture blew.”

“I still don’t get it”, Malachai said.

“What I meant was that it went over rather nicely.  I actually thought Dad was very calm about the whole thing.”

“Did you not hear the part where the threatened to kick me out?” Jessi shrieked through her tears.

“He’s not going to kick you out, Jessi”, Marc said.  “But, when Dad asks that you don’t do something so that he can investigate; you don’t do it.  It’s really that simple.”

“Well, I don’t know about the rest of you bozos, but I’m going home.  My wife would probably like to have me warm next to her in our bed”, Malachai said as he pushed himself to standing and headed for the front door.

“Mine too”, Jake said as he started toward the back door.  “Good night, everyone”, he said with a yawn.  “I’ll see all of you in the morning.”

“Jona was asleep when I pried my arm out from under her.  I ‘m sure she’s not thrilled that she’s sleeping alone either; though she’ll understand it was a family emergency.”  He pushed himself to standing and headed for the stairs.

James yawned and stretched.  “I’m going on back to bed too.  I’ve got a pregnant girlfriend that needs me.  Good night everyone.”

“I guess I had better go to bed too”, Jessi said as she tried to stop crying.  She knew that the tears would do her no good.  Her father was somehow immune to the pouty puppy dog face.  She wondered how that came to be, but she didn’t question it at the point.  She’d have to ask him when this whole mess was over and her father saw that Remy wasn’t really a bad guy.  He was a talented guy who had a lot of promise.  But that would have to wait a couple of days.  She headed up the stairs behind James.

Marc decided to sit alone in the dark of the living room.  He thought about the events of the night and how he felt the slimeball’s eyes on him as he pulled away from the musty little club he and his shitty little wannabe rock band called home.  You no talent piece of shit.  I’ll show you not to go around town bragging that you’re fucking my twin sister, he thought.  I can’t wait until you have to meet my Dad.  He will chew you up and spit you out.  Hell, he could sing circles around you with a sore throat.  My father is the best known vocalist today and you think you’re something special?  Please.  Don’t make me laugh.  He thought about his twin sister’s feelings when she found out what the piece of shit she was calling her boyfriend was really up to.  You’re going to end up breaking my sister’s heart, you punk.  For that, I will beat the shit out of you.  Mark my words.  You won’t walk off of this property.  You’ll be lucky if there’s enough of you to carry to the hospital after I’m through with you.  And that’s no threat, Jeremy Caldwell.  That is a promise.

---------------

As they ate their lunch, David was on his laptop booking their flight home and Brie was on the phone with their real estate agent back in Jerusalem.  She was explaining to the woman in Hebrew that they would be coming back during the summer to look at houses so she didn’t have to put a rush on that list of houses.

After she was done, she looked at David who was still fuming after the conversation with their youngest child.  “Baby, you need to calm down or you’re going to give yourself an ulcer.”

“I can’t believe she blatantly ignored me.  None of our children have ever pulled that stunt before.  They all know that when Dad speaks, his word is law.”

“You’re worse than the rabbis I grew up with.”

His head snapped up to look at her.  “What?”

“Yeah.  Remember how Matt told you the story about the rabbi I told was interpreting the Talmud wrong?”

“Yes.”

“That guy was a tyrant.  You’re not like that guy but you’re certainly acting like him.  David, baby, she thinks she’s in love.  When we get back, we’ll handle this and no matter what the outcome is, we’ll be there to support her.”

He sighed, letting out all of the frustration.  “I just pray that what the boys said about this young man is wrong.  I hope he’s not using my baby to get a record deal.”

“And if he is?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why don’t we let the boys handle it?  Remember that analogy you made earlier about our family and the mafia?”

He laughed.  “Yeah.”

“Well, why do you think the lieutenants are the ones that always end up in the clink?”

“Why?”

“Because the Don knows better than to get his hands dirty.  Let the Capo call the shots on the street, let the other lieutenants do what they do, and you keep your hands clean.”

He laughed.  “What would I do without you?”  He took her hands and kissed the back of them softly.

“More than likely; stupid shit.”

“What do you say to finishing our lunch and going for that camel ride?”

“I say I like that idea.  And afterward, I can thank you properly for such a wonderful day.”

“Hmmm… I like that sound of that.”

“Good.  I was hoping you would.  Now, have you gotten our tickets for tomorrow?”

“Yes, I have our tickets for our flight out of Cairo tomorrow afternoon.”

“There wasn’t anything sooner?”

“Nope.  Everything else was booked and it didn’t matter what airline I tried.”

“Ok, then we leave tomorrow afternoon out of Cairo.  Now, I’ve eaten about all my tummy can handle.  Are you full yet?”

“No, but I’ve lost my appetite dealing with this shit with our children.”

“Then let’s set this stuff outside the room, go take a short camel ride, then come back here to enjoy the rest of our day?”

“Let’s go, gorgeous.”  They put their plates back on the cart they were brought in on and gathered their things to go for a camel ride.  They wouldn’t need much, but David wanted to make sure that he had money on hand to that he could pay the merchant that sold the rides so he made that he had his wallet.

After they walked out the door, Brie wrapped her arms around David’s waist as they walked to the elevator that would take them out to the lobby of their hotel.  It wasn’t long before they found a man in the crowded streets of the city that was selling camel rides.  David bought two rides- one apiece- and helped his tiny woman up on to one of the camels  Once he was sure she was in place, he mounted the other one and clicked his tongue twice to get the animal moving and his wife followed suit.  They rode through the crowded streets of the little Egyptian coastal town together and tried to push the shit back home to the backs of their minds.